Updated: Feb 14, 2022
Are you stressed out and on-edge on a regular basis?
Do you struggle to fall asleep, stay asleep, and take rest during the day because your mind is always racing?
CONSTANTLY thinking about what you could be doing, what you should do instead of take a break?
I get it, I've been there too.
For so long, I couldn't sit down and "rest" even if I wanted to because my mind would not stop racing through all the things I needed to accomplish, complete, and improve...
Basically, I was obsessed with the idea that I should be further along in life...but I really didn't know what to do to shake that anxiety-producing fear, which left me feeling like I was spinning my wheels in a race against time....
It felt like being in a long tunnel, where I could see the light at the end, but it only got farther away the more I ran toward it....
Yikes, that brings back the panic-attack feels just thinking about it!
Truthfully, this is such a common trait of ambitious professionals who are trying to be the best version of themselves all the time.
This trait you've developed - being the one who can do more than anyone, push harder than anyone, and seems to always have the solutions for everyone - can so easily be taken too far.
It makes us feel totally strung out, burned out, and disconnected from our own joy (cue the anxiety attack and sleepless night). This trait keeps you in a cycle of stress, emotional burn out, and exhaustion, and produces anxiety in the long-term.
Here are three sneaky ways that anxiety symptoms show up:
Never saying "no" and deferring to other people's plans + opinions.
Second-guessing your own voice.
Let's dive deeper into these, shall we?
Never saying "no".
This is another way of describing a "people pleaser" or "Yes" person.
You ALWAYS (ok, maybe 9.5/10 times) will say yes to a request, to someone asking you to pick up the slack (taking an extra shift, additional paperwork, extra step on a project, also pick up the groceries after you just pulled a double shift).
This never-saying-no tendency is most often a deeply ingrained habit of yours that is rooted in an earlier idea of success and self-worth.
For example, a lot of times when we've learned from an early age that to be respected, acknowledged, and valued we have to be the one who goes the extra mile.
To stand out, you have to push yourself harder and farther than everyone else...while the habit is seen as being hardworking, resilient, and gritty...
Underneath that, there's a softer and younger side of you that is starving for acknowledgement.
To be loved for who you already are..for all that you do...and the perpetual yes-saying is the most sure-fire way your mind knows how to have a high likelihood of getting that acknowledgement.
Because you'll be everywhere, always, for everyone....damn, i'm getting exhausted just writing about this!
How many times have you been in an important meeting at work where decisions are being made in real time and YOU offer up what you can FEEL within you as the right solution…
but you quiver, shake in your boots and qualify your idea with: "this might not be a great idea at all", or "this might totally not be what we're looking for, but..."
This self-minimizing is a form of second-guessing your experience, knowledge, and intuition...
It takes you from being right in the fight to being knocked out of the professional arena because YOU just said what you really think is likely not true, not good enough, and/or wrong for the moment...
This comes from a lack of self-trust...much like number 1, second-guessing ourselves is so common when we haven't had proper acknowledgment and love for who we already are…
Now, you don't have to have a painful past or rough home-life to carry psyche wounds...
You could have had a great, solid support system growing up AND STILL not have felt loved for who you already were....
rather, loved for what you did right, when you met your family's expectations, and when you started down the path they hoped for you....
Have you ever found yourself eating the chips in your cupboard, even though you just ate a full meal?
Found yourself eating candy that's in your office throughout the day, even though you're not actually craving a sweet fix?
Do you take your weekends to completely cut loose, binge eat and drink and not care at all about what you do with your body....?
How about texting the ex, having sex with that person. you know you're not really into...just because...Fuck it...you wanna feel good?
No shade, I've done all of the above before...
Netflix and chill sounds really cool until you're lying down bloated on the couch with your fingers dipped in cheeto dust as you watch the characters on the screen live out some fantasy life....right?
Here's the deal...mindless habits are often quick ways we seek mothering...that is, a form of nurturance and soothing.
As high-functioning, full grown adults who are used to doing everything ourselves perfectly, we STILL crave love, attention, and care.
We actually need it to feel whole and like we matter....
So you might be saying right about now,
"Uh. I don’t need mothering. I need a F*ing vacation, but thanks”
Not so fast. If you step back, zoom out on your life, and ask yourself the question,
“why do I really push so hard for so long, even when I am totally exhausted?”
Why don’t you let yourself rest, say “no” sometimes, and say “yes” to things that are just joyful + fun?
It’s not actually because your boss is an a$$ hole or because your family can’t function if you pause, or the world will fall apart if you step away….
It’s because you are trying to prove - to yourself + to the world - that you are ENOUGH.
Good enough. Smart enough. Strong enough.
Why would you do that? Why are you trying to prove yourself to everyone + no one at the same time?
If you really get honest with yourself + really listen for the honest answer, you will likely find out it’s because somewhere along the road, the younger + softer you was told you were not good enough as you already were.
Whether it was the school bully, a teacher, a parent, or society…
If you feel - at any point in life - that you are not love-able as you already are - you will forever be chasing ways to be deemed “good enough”.
So, to heal that emotional wound, we have to do one thing….
Build a loving, real connection with ourselves.
This is what I spend a good portion of my time with clients working on.
Getting in touch with the layers of themselves. Their body. Their emotions + their mental outlook on life.
Many of my clients are so good at compartmentalizing and “toughing it out”, but that is exactly why they feel like crap.
Sound like you?
If so, then YOU also could benefit from building a real relationship to yourself. When you are whole + connected, you will not feel anxious.
You won’t feel on-edge, withdrawn, fearful, and you won’t feel like your body + mind are two separate worlds.
You’ll feel like the REAL you. The happy, more energized, more available + open you.
You’ll feel strong physically + more confident to show up + put yourself out there for new connections + opportunity.
You’ll be more available to give + receive deep love that is build on kindness, respect, and is unconditional.
Do you want that for yourself? Have you tried to get these things before + haven't found success?
I've actually spent the last several years developing a method for ambitious women and men to follow that will break them out of these habits and cycles of anxiety by connecting them back to themselves.
I’ve distilled the 3 most powerful tools to self-soothe and therefore heal anxiety AND
let me tell you the REAL ways to use these tools that you've probably seen or heard about before so that you maximize healing from them and actually feel better.
Let's clear this up: long before yoga was trendy, it was a powerful healing tool sued for thousands of years to bring strength, balance, and harmony to the 3 layers of a human being (their body, their mind, and their soul).
It’s been around for thousands of years because it actually works.
However, what you see in most yoga studios today is NOT the healing yoga initially created.
It’s a lot of “power flows” that move super fast and yes, get you to sweat your face off, but no, do not make you feel more in-tune with yourself and your inner truth as much as they do create a mindset of comparison + leave you feeling judged.
Am I right?
So, to tap into yoga in its healing form, you have to simplify.
Step out of the overpriced studio and the chaos on YouTube and choose ONE movement that you will consistently do for the next week.
Not sure where to start? Check out my last blog post that breaks down 2 of the most powerful yoga asana postures to do now.
Yoga - when done right - reduces anxiety because it connects your body, breath, and mind in one single moment at one time.
That means the normal inner chaos of looping thoughts, short breath, stressed-out actions comes to a halt and you are connected.
Self-connection in a moment of stress is the key to healing anxiety.
Think about it: when you're experiencing anxiety in a moment, you are NOT your real self.
You're not rational, calm, and you don't speak, think, or act from a place of feeling like the "normal" you....doing yoga helps strengthen that relationship to the real and normal you (harmonious + balanced you).
An ongoing yoga practice - one that is simple, to the point, and doesn't take all your time - can help you stay fully connected to yourself moment-to-moment so that you don't experience that huge separation from self when anxiety rises.
Sounds nice right?
Self-connection is found through a healing practice. You don't have to be an expert, skinny, in your 20's to get the benefits of yoga. When done in the right way, yoga heals + transforms anxiety for anyone at any stage + age.
This is a huge reason yoga is a key element of my wellness retreats, where I teach my one-of-a-kind yoga to people of all levels so that they can ease their anxiety + heal their pain.
2. Get into Nature.
This one seems super simple, I know. You’re thinking, “yeah, be in the elements and breathe fresh air…if only I had time”
Let me tell you why being in nature is so valuable. It connects you to your feminine energy.
Roll with me for a minute here...
Feminine energy is the root of our universe. Life is created through feminine energy. Your life. Mine. And the life of all living creatures (including plants, animals, etc) come from feminine energy.
When we are in nature, it connects us to OUR feminine energy. We feel refreshed, a sense of ease, and even bliss when we are in nature because its beauty reflects back to us the beauty of feminine power*
Feminine energy is NOT RESERVED for one gender only. Regardless of your gender, you have feminine and masculine energy within you. So, don’t think I’m now just speaking to women.
When you tap into feminine energy through nature, you are bringing that part of you to the surface in a way that makes you feel whole. And remember, when you feel whole, you don’t feel anxious.
3.Heal Your gut.
First, let me say there is SO MUCH to be said about the gut + how under-appreciated it is by so many of us.
So much of our anxiety + pain in the body would be completely resolved if only we knew how to care for our gut.
Luckily, ancient wisdom has been teaching us about the power of digestion + healing the gut for centuries. You can read more about digestion here.
If you have chronic pain in your body, inflammation, poor digestion (gas, bloating, heartburn) you are in need of gut healing.
When you heal your guy + soothe your digestion, your ENTIRE BODY functions better.
How does THAT happen?
Because your digestion is the engine for your energy.
It impacts your nervous system which determines your stress response, your anxiety, your mood + mindset.
It impacts your lymphatic system which determines how well your cells get the nutrients they need to keep you healthy + strong + is also responsible for clearing your skin of things like acne + rashes + aging.
It impacts your sleep which determines your overall ability to function, focus, and feel productive + good in life.
The quality of your digestion literally determines the quality of your life.
To start healing your digestion, you need to realize that your body + gut is unique. It’s best to work with a mentor 1:1 so that they can give you fully personalized, up-close guidance on healing your gut.
If you’re not working with a mentor, start by noting down your symptoms right after you eat a meal.
Tightness, gas, bloating, extreme fatigue,
Keep that log and then write down what you ate.
Start to track similarities in foods + symptoms.
Anything your body is not responding well to is not supporting your digestion. Eliminate it.
These tools are going to help you find that nurturing, unconditional support, and love that you are craving deep down.
Therefore, they are going to make you feel calm in your body and mind. Clear in your mind energy. And confident in yourself as you move through life.
Now that you've learned 3 ways that anxiety can show up sneakily, it's time to ask yourself the all-important question: "How can I support myself in healing?"
You might start by implementing 1 of the 3 suggestions listed above. Drop a comment below and share which you'll try and how it supports you as you go.
You might be saying, "I want to do this with the support of a community". In which case, take some time looking into your local community for spaces where people are talking about this and practicing the concept of self-connection.
You can also join MY community. I serve people through in-person retreat, which are time-tested healing activators for body, mind, and spirit.
No matter WHAT you choose, it's important that you start saying "YES" to prioritizing your health + healing.
I'm here to help!